Who does not prefer civility to barbarism?”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Recently I posted an article on my blog regarding the large numbers of radical Muslims here in the United States and in the world. The article contained statistical analysis and reputable sources regarding this issue. A couple of days after posting this article, I came to my computer and found this message:
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Recently I posted an article on my blog regarding the large numbers of radical Muslims here in the United States and in the world. The article contained statistical analysis and reputable sources regarding this issue. A couple of days after posting this article, I came to my computer and found this message:
“There seems to be a shitload of hateful, crazy, idiotic, gun-horny, uneducated, uninformed Christians in the U.S. these days. By this dipshit logic, we should lump ALL Christians into one giant shit-barge...and ship them all off to Antartica (sic).”
The writer added a postscript in which he stated, regarding a bit about myself on my blog: “'School of hard knocks’…what a fucking tool!”
Here is my reply:
“Dear Mr. X, Your above replies gave me some much needed amusement this afternoon. I agree with you about the "School of Hard Knocks." It was meant as a piece of ridiculous fun, but you took it seriously. I should--and probably will--change that tag so as not to offend those with so little sense of humor. Now, as for the other message, you have lost me. You have leaped from a somewhat academic argument on radical Islam to a violent attack on Christians. (You also used "shit" three times in two sentences. You might want to broaden your vocabulary, though I did like that "gun-horny" bit. I may steal that one from you). I take it you're not a church-goer. Best wishes and thank you for reading, Jeff”
Here is his reply:
“Church-goer? Please. I see more far more similarities between Islam and Christianity, than disparity. I dropped all that space boogieman bullshit ("shit" usage #4) back in my teens, when I started thinking for myself and escaped the Catholic indoctrination that has plagued my ilk since the Romans hijacked our cool Pagan traditions in their attempt to assimilate all us heathens into their cult a thousand plus years ago. I hate to break it to you, Shakespeare...but in your fantasy world, 'Allah' and 'God' are the same exact dude. All you maniacs and frightened sheep are simply braying at your collective delusion from different directions. How's that for "broadening my vocabulary", pilgrim? Go sell your lunacy somewhere else, we're very well-stocked with crazy here in 'Murica. Praise Jesus...and pass the ammo!”
(To be fair, my correspondent did go back and edit out the word “fucking.” Personally, I am happy with that amendment, but as a writer I have to say that “what a fucking tool” has more of a ring to it than “what a tool.”)
What has happened to us? How did we come to such a state? How does the use of Facebook and other social media allow us to exchange our manners for garbage? Why do so many of us feel free to make ad hominem attacks, to insult others we don’t even know?
The gentleman cited above is unusual, perhaps, but let’s face it: over the past thirty years our discourse on all levels has coarsened. Some talk show hosts rage rather than reason. Often they don’t even bother to listen to their call-in listeners. These “hosts” cut listeners off midway through a comment or go off on some tangent having little to do with the issue at hand. With a few exceptions, our national political discourse is also embarrassingly adolescent. No—that’s an insult to young people. Let’s just say it is an embarrassment to any thinking person. And on Facebook and blog posts some of us launch insults and attacks—and I have been guilty of this—that damage others.
Many of us, liberal, conservative, and whatever else we claim to be, believe that America is a divided nation, that we are disjointed, that we must scream at each other to be heard. We see this phenomenon everywhere: in government, on college campuses, in private conversations.
What might happen if we changed our tactics? What might change if instead of screaming or bombarding one other with curses and imprecations, we instead listened to the other side and asked questions?
Twenty-four years ago, someone told me I needed to become a better listener. The details of that encounter are too embarrassing to reveal here, but that advice constituted one of the great lessons of my life. I’m still not a great listener—often I am in too much of a hurry—but when I remember that admonition, I try to slow down and actually pay attention to what someone is sharing with me.
As for asking questions, there is no finer tactic in any sort of debate. Os Guinness, a Christian author and speaker who years ago appeared at a forum at the University of North Carolina-Asheville, was asked by a conservative Christian student how he should respond to professors whose ideas were opposed to his own. “Ask questions,” Guinness responded, and then went on to tell the student to make those inquiries sincerely, judiciously, and politely.
That tactic can produce amazing results. Let me give an example. Suppose you are a progressive and your brother in law is a card-carrying member of the National Rifle Association. Instead of scorning him, ask him why he owns guns. What he likes about shooting. Why he thinks the Second Amendment is important. Or say you’re a conservative and your sister loves President Obama. Instead of ridiculing her, ask your sister what she finds attractive in his policies, why she supports him, what she finds encouraging about his administration.
In both instances, and in hundreds more, we learn more about those around us, what makes them tick, why they believe what they believe. Such encounters may broaden our own thinking or at the least confirm our own beliefs.
Here in America we no longer have a common religion. We no longer share a common vision of the American Dream. But we still possess the ability to treat one another politely and with a real curiosity.
As for my correspondent, I did block him from the blog. There was the issue of his profanity, which didn’t bother me all that much, but which disturbed a few of my readers. I also saw his photograph, which was attached to his name. X appears to be a candidate for high blood pressure. Given the innocuous nature of the article that so excited him, and given some of my other posts, I decided I could not be responsible for his possible cardiac arrest.
The writer added a postscript in which he stated, regarding a bit about myself on my blog: “'School of hard knocks’…what a fucking tool!”
Here is my reply:
“Dear Mr. X, Your above replies gave me some much needed amusement this afternoon. I agree with you about the "School of Hard Knocks." It was meant as a piece of ridiculous fun, but you took it seriously. I should--and probably will--change that tag so as not to offend those with so little sense of humor. Now, as for the other message, you have lost me. You have leaped from a somewhat academic argument on radical Islam to a violent attack on Christians. (You also used "shit" three times in two sentences. You might want to broaden your vocabulary, though I did like that "gun-horny" bit. I may steal that one from you). I take it you're not a church-goer. Best wishes and thank you for reading, Jeff”
Here is his reply:
“Church-goer? Please. I see more far more similarities between Islam and Christianity, than disparity. I dropped all that space boogieman bullshit ("shit" usage #4) back in my teens, when I started thinking for myself and escaped the Catholic indoctrination that has plagued my ilk since the Romans hijacked our cool Pagan traditions in their attempt to assimilate all us heathens into their cult a thousand plus years ago. I hate to break it to you, Shakespeare...but in your fantasy world, 'Allah' and 'God' are the same exact dude. All you maniacs and frightened sheep are simply braying at your collective delusion from different directions. How's that for "broadening my vocabulary", pilgrim? Go sell your lunacy somewhere else, we're very well-stocked with crazy here in 'Murica. Praise Jesus...and pass the ammo!”
(To be fair, my correspondent did go back and edit out the word “fucking.” Personally, I am happy with that amendment, but as a writer I have to say that “what a fucking tool” has more of a ring to it than “what a tool.”)
What has happened to us? How did we come to such a state? How does the use of Facebook and other social media allow us to exchange our manners for garbage? Why do so many of us feel free to make ad hominem attacks, to insult others we don’t even know?
The gentleman cited above is unusual, perhaps, but let’s face it: over the past thirty years our discourse on all levels has coarsened. Some talk show hosts rage rather than reason. Often they don’t even bother to listen to their call-in listeners. These “hosts” cut listeners off midway through a comment or go off on some tangent having little to do with the issue at hand. With a few exceptions, our national political discourse is also embarrassingly adolescent. No—that’s an insult to young people. Let’s just say it is an embarrassment to any thinking person. And on Facebook and blog posts some of us launch insults and attacks—and I have been guilty of this—that damage others.
Many of us, liberal, conservative, and whatever else we claim to be, believe that America is a divided nation, that we are disjointed, that we must scream at each other to be heard. We see this phenomenon everywhere: in government, on college campuses, in private conversations.
What might happen if we changed our tactics? What might change if instead of screaming or bombarding one other with curses and imprecations, we instead listened to the other side and asked questions?
Twenty-four years ago, someone told me I needed to become a better listener. The details of that encounter are too embarrassing to reveal here, but that advice constituted one of the great lessons of my life. I’m still not a great listener—often I am in too much of a hurry—but when I remember that admonition, I try to slow down and actually pay attention to what someone is sharing with me.
As for asking questions, there is no finer tactic in any sort of debate. Os Guinness, a Christian author and speaker who years ago appeared at a forum at the University of North Carolina-Asheville, was asked by a conservative Christian student how he should respond to professors whose ideas were opposed to his own. “Ask questions,” Guinness responded, and then went on to tell the student to make those inquiries sincerely, judiciously, and politely.
That tactic can produce amazing results. Let me give an example. Suppose you are a progressive and your brother in law is a card-carrying member of the National Rifle Association. Instead of scorning him, ask him why he owns guns. What he likes about shooting. Why he thinks the Second Amendment is important. Or say you’re a conservative and your sister loves President Obama. Instead of ridiculing her, ask your sister what she finds attractive in his policies, why she supports him, what she finds encouraging about his administration.
In both instances, and in hundreds more, we learn more about those around us, what makes them tick, why they believe what they believe. Such encounters may broaden our own thinking or at the least confirm our own beliefs.
Here in America we no longer have a common religion. We no longer share a common vision of the American Dream. But we still possess the ability to treat one another politely and with a real curiosity.
As for my correspondent, I did block him from the blog. There was the issue of his profanity, which didn’t bother me all that much, but which disturbed a few of my readers. I also saw his photograph, which was attached to his name. X appears to be a candidate for high blood pressure. Given the innocuous nature of the article that so excited him, and given some of my other posts, I decided I could not be responsible for his possible cardiac arrest.