"Call me Ishmael."
So Herman Melville begins the classic Moby Dick.
Were I to begin such a saga, my opening line would be "Call me Bumfuzzled."
The post below mentions several of my puzzlements, including the rush by some Americans to embrace socialism. I mean, I understand a few of the motivations: the desire for greater security (which doesn't happen), the desire to make us all more equal (which doesn't happen), the desire to live out John Lennon's song "Imagine" (Love the tune, but not the words).
At any rate, copy and past if you wish.